How Should I Ask a Girl out over Text?

So you met a girl at a bar, got her number, and now you two have been chatting for quite some time over text. You seem to have a lot of chemistry with her, but for some odd reason, you two still haven’t gone on a date. Moreover, you’re not sure if you want to ask this girl out in person because you don’t know whether or not she’ll say “yes.” At this point, you might be asking yourself, “What’s the best way to ask a girl out over text?”

Well, if you’re in the situation I just mentioned, this guide is for you. Asking a girl out over text might not be preferable over asking a girl out in person, but it is still a very viable option, especially in the digital age.

Below, I’ll outline and describe a four-step process that you can undertake to ask a girl out over text. While there aren’t any guarantees that this will work, I am confident that this process will give you the best chance of a girl saying “yes.”

Step 1: Send a Text to Initiate a Conversation

This first step might seem obvious, but you wouldn’t believe how many guys entirely skip over the “initiation” phase of a conversation and go straight into the “do you have any plans tonight?” phase. This step is very important! Through a witty or other carefully written initiation text, you can captivate a girl’s attention and draw her into a conversation more easily.

Repeat after me, “initiation is key.” Without a proper initiation text, the chances that a girl will say “yes” to your date proposal severely decreases. But, don’t worry. I have a few suggestions for initiation texts that have worked in my experience, and also of some that haven’t worked.

Effective Initiation Texts

Effective initiation texts all have one factor in common – they’re well thought out. Depending on your personality and overall texting style, “well thought out” can mean a variety of different circumstances. There’s no single right answer.

The Flirty Initiation

This flirty initiation text is probably the most common type of initiation text and if done correctly, can effectively set the tone for the rest of the text conversation. I’m sure you’ve either sent or received one of these before. Let’s examine the two examples I listed below.

“Heyy girl, what are you up to ;)”

This is the standard flirty text that many men send. Through its use of the winky face emoji as well as the extra “y” in “Heyy,” it sends a girl the signal that you’re in a good mood and interested in being flirty. If the girl is receptive to this fact, she’ll respond with a similarly flirty text. If not, then she’ll reply with a short response such as “Hey” or “What’s up,” or even not reply. Nevertheless, this initiation text is a good option if you don’t want to become too bold in your texting style.

“I just saw the new picture you uploaded. Looking hotter than ever, I see ;)”

This is an example of a risky flirty initiation. Unless you know this girl well, or you know that she has a very flirty personality, this text has the potential to backfire. However, if you’re willing to risk it for the biscuit and decide to send this anyways, it has a tremendous potential upside. By complimenting a girl on her appearance and stating that she is “looking hotter than ever,” you send the signal that you’re romantically interested in her. If she doesn’t feel the same way, she might just not respond to you at all for a while. If she does, however, it’s a really good sign. A response would indicate that she is receptive towards your romantic advances.

The Friendly Initiation

The friendly initiation is another common initiation strategy that is relatively easy to execute correctly. Compared to the flirty initiation, the friendly initiation is less direct and leaves some room for error. Let’s examine an example.

“Good morning! How’s your day going :)”

This initiation is very straightforward and demonstrates your intent of wishing your girl a good day. Due to the friendly nature of this text, it is highly unlikely that things could go wrong. On the other hand, if you only ever send “Good morning” to initiate text conversations, and never anything flirty, she may sub-consciously assume that you’re not interested in being anything more than friends.

Ineffective Initiation Texts

Ineffective initiation texts are truly a tragedy. By sending a weak text rather than an effective one, you’re are wasting an opportunity to impress or entertain the girl that you want to ask out. Follow my advice and DON’T SEND AN INEFFECTIVE INITIATION TEXT.

The Aggressive Initiation

For obvious reasons, don’t send mean texts when you decide to start a conversation with a girl. While phrases such as “I hate you!” or “I don’t like you!” are obviously mean and aggressive texts, some other ones might not be so obvious.

“What are you doing”

If you send this text as your initiation with no context or background, it can be interpreted as aggression. Since the girl can’t hear the tone of your voice or the expressions on your face, “What are you doing” almost seems as if you think she’s a suspicious person or lying to you about something. I’m sure you don’t want to come off this way.

“What did you do last night”

In addition to sounding aggressive, this text is also borderline creepy. Asking what a girl did the night before is never a good idea. Actually, let me rephrase that: It’s an excellent question to ask during the actual conversation itself, but not as an initiation text.

The Lazy Initiation

The key characteristic of a lazy initiation text is its short length. When you apply the lazy initiation method to a text conversation, you are signaling to your girl that you don’t care enough about her to spend the 30 seconds it takes to send a quality text message, whether it be flirty, humorous, or insightful.


You can’t get lazier in your initiation text than “Hey.” If you text your girl “Hey” with the hope of asking her out on a date later, you might as well forget anything possibility of her responding “yes.” If you truly do care about your girl and want her to say to “yes,” SEND AN EFFECTIVE INITIATION TEXT.

Step 2: Flirt and Continue the Conversation

The next logical step, after sending your initiation text, is to continue the text conversation and keep her engaged for as long as possible. However, keeping a girl truly engaged in a text message conversation is not as simple as it may seem to be. In order to keep a girl engaged and entertained, with the goal of asking her out on a date, you need to be flirty. I offer a comprehensive guide on how to flirt over text so in this article, I’ll just give a summary.

Flirting is all about presenting yourself as a suitable romantic partner, and an entertaining one as such. Ever since the start of the human race, people have been flirting with each other as a means to judge romantic suitability. Likewise, flirting over text is another means towards the same goal.

When you flirt with a girl in real life, you have the benefit of judging the girl’s receptiveness through her body language and tone of voice. Unfortunately, flirting over text does not offer the same benefit. So, make sure that you know what you’re doing before attempting to flirt over text.

Be Interesting

As I’ve said before, flirting is all about presenting yourself as a suitable romantic partner. In order to accomplish this, you need to be able to keep the girl interested in the text messages that you’re sending. This might mean that you have to send romantic texts expressing your admiration for her or funny texts that make her laugh.

The Admiration Text

Telling a girl that you like something about her personality or attitude is a great way of showing your admiration for her.

“Your smile always cheers me up”

Here, you’re complimenting a girl’s smile (and in turn, praising her “happy” personality). This is a great way to show off your friendly side to the girl you want to ask out. Don’t underestimate the power of compliments.

The Joke

If you’re a natural comedian or the girl you’re targetting has an appreciation for good jokes, a funny text might be the way to go to seem “interesting.”

You: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Girl: Idk, why?

You: Because they make up everything

I apologize for the cringey joke, but it helps to exemplify a point I’m about to make. Unless you’re a naturally funny person, don’t try to be funny with a girl you want to impress. Only try to be funny if you know you can successfully pull it off. I certainly can’t.

Don’t Come on Too Strong

It is immensely important that you don’t scare your crush by coming on too strong. Coming on too strong not only portrays you as a guy who can’t understand social cues, but it also portrays you as desperate and needy. Let’s examine two examples.

“Have you ever wondered what it’s going to be like once we get married?”

If you’re flirting with a girl you’ve just met or even a girl you’ve started dating, this message is a giant NO. While flirting with a girl over text, don’t mention anything regarding your relationship in the far future. Marriage, children, and baby names are all off limits.

“I wanna cuddle with you”

Again, this text message is a no. If you’re flirting with a girl you haven’t’ even asked out on a date yet, talking about intimacy is not acceptable. This portrays you as a creepy guy, and she will instantly be turned off. Trust me on this. It’s not a good idea.

Judge Her Receptiveness

When you’re trying to flirt with a girl over text, it’s important to judge her receptiveness to your advances. Ask yourself the question, “Is she genuinely interested in chatting with me, or is she only trying to be polite?”. Let’s examine a few possibilities below.

She’s Receptive

If the girl you’re texting is genuinely interested in talking to you, she should be responding to your texts with long, passionate phrases or sentences.

You: You look cute

Girl: Thanksss [your name], you look pretty hot yourself

The girl is clearly receptive to your compliment in this mock conversation because she even decides to compliment you back. This is a sign that she’s interested in you. You have the green light to continue flirting with her this situation.

She’s Not Receptive

All too often, guys think that a girl is receptive to their advances when in reality, she isn’t.

You: You look cute

Girl: Thanks

Just because the girl you’re texting says “thanks” to one of your compliments, it doesn’t mean that she’s interested. The fact that she uses a lazy, one-word response to your compliment means that she does not truly value your compliment nor your time. Don’t mistake her “thanks” as a sign of being receptive.

Step 3: Ask Her Out

After maintaining an interesting conversation with a girl and gauging that she’s receptive to your advances, you might decide that it seems like the right time to finally ask her out. If you’ve gotten to this step, the hard work has already been done. Now it’s time for the fun part.

Ask If She Has Any Plans

If you want to maximize a girl’s chances of saying yes to your date request, you’ll want to make sure that she doesn’t have any time conflicts. This is a very crucial task you need to complete before saying the actual words “do you want to go out with me.”

“What are you doing with your friends on Friday?”

This is a sly way to gauge if the girl you’re targetting has any upcoming plans (in this case, on Friday). If she says she’s doing something on the day you mentioned, it’s obviously not a good idea to ask her out of a date for that particular night. On the other hand, if she says that she’s free, it’s a green light to go ahead to the next step.

Suggest an Activity That You Would Both Enjoy

Once you’re sure that the girl you want to ask out doesn’t have any plans coming up, it’s time to ask her to do an activity that you would both enjoy. Below, I’ve listed a two of the most common first date ideas.

Watch a Movie

By movies, I don’t mean Netflix and chill. Asking a girl out to a movie might mean watching a movie at your own residence, or it might mean going to a movie theatre and watching a movie there. By far, the biggest benefit of watching a movie as your first date is the price: it’s relatively cheap.

Compared to other first date options, a movie costs close to nothing. In addition to its low price, a movie also mitigates awkward silences. Let’s be honest, most first dates have periods of a couple seconds or minutes where no one talks (it’s really awkward). A movie helps to solve this problem.

Eat at a Restaurant

Eating at a restaurant is also a solid choice of activity for a first date. Although it’s pricier than watching a movie, eating at a restaurant allows you to have a real conversation with the girl you ask out and get to know her better. If you’re bad at first dates and have the nerves, go for the movie option for sure. If you’re a little bolder, have some money to spare, and want to get to know your girl better, definitely opt for the restaurant option.

Step 4: Properly React to Her Answer

So you’ve finally asked out the girl of your dreams! Now, it’s time to properly respond to her answer (regardless of whether it be yes or no). Unfortunately, many men underestimate the necessity of this step and may skip it altogether.

She Said Yes

If your girl said “yes” to your date, I’m happy for you. Before the actual date, however, there are still issues that need to be addressed.


Come up with an exact time and place for your date. In addition, figure out transportation to the date location. Are you going to give this girl a ride? Is she going to drive herself? What are you two going to do after the date? These are all questions that need to be addressed prior to the actual date itself.

Continue Being Interesting

The girl of your dreams just said yes to your date! This is certainly a moment to celebrate, but don’t stop here. If your goal is to start a relationship with this girl, you need to continue following the advice I’ve given in this guide. Continue being interesting, flirty, and friendly.

She Said No

If the girl you asked out said “no,” it’s important to not lose hope. There are still tasks you can do that can help capture her romantic interest. Let me say it again, don’t lose all hope.

Figure out Why She Said No

Does she genuinely dislike you? Is she having a bad day? Is she busy on the day the date is supposed to be? Ask these questions to yourself and critically analyze the text conversation to figure out why she said “no” to your date proposal. If you search hard enough, I guarantee that you’ll find a reason.

Rinse and Repeat

After figuring out why the girl you asked out said no, make a real effort to continue being friendly with her. If you’re still interested in her, keep texting her and maybe try asking her out again in a couple of weeks. If, for say, she rejects you again, remember that there are always more fish in the sea. Don’t be too upset over one rejection: it happens to the best of us.

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