If you want to win over the girl of your dreams, the most important technique that you should master is the art of flirting. In a traditional sense, flirting is a game of romance, cleverness, and body language. However, some of these techniques no longer apply when your goal is to flirt over text, rather in person; obviously, you can’t monitor a girl’s body language over text.
In this guide, I’ll offer a comprehensive look at the art of text flirting, the pros, the cons, and also go over a few general tips you should keep in mind while flirting with a girl over text.
History of Flirting
Ever since the first humans have roamed the earth, flirting has existed. Throughout the years, the art of flirting has gradually evolved, eventually resulting in the commonplace text flirting that we have today.
Pre-Texting Era Flirting
For the purposes of this article, the two “eras” of flirting that I want to focus on are the pre-texting era and the texting era. The main characteristic of the pre-texting era is, as the name states, a lack of digital communication. Flirting was done exclusively in person and was primarily based on three principles. Although the pre-texting era is no longer existent, some of its techniques can still be applied to the texting era.
The goal of flirting is to win a woman over and as a result, it would be foolish to ignore the romantic aspect of the art. In order to flirt effectively, there has to be some element of romance in your technique. Be interesting, non-condescending, and pay attention to a girls’ personal needs in order to seem romantic.
In order to master the art of flirting, you need to be smart with your technique. What does this mean? Primarily, don’t be like “every other guy” and follow traditional flirting rules. For instance, complimenting a girl on her outfit is a great thing to do, but every man does this! You need to be somewhat original in your approach in flirting in order to be truly successful.
This is the only principle of the pre-texting era that no longer applies to the texting era, for obvious reasons. In a traditional real-life scenario, your only way of monitoring a girl’s receptiveness to your flirting is through her body language.
Signals such as playing with her hair, feet pointed towards your body, as well as eye contact are all good signs. Other signs, such as an annoyed facial expression, are obviously bad. However, since you can’t see a girl while you’re flirting over text, you can safely ignore this principle.
The texting-era has certainly revolutionized the art of flirting, as well as human communication as a whole. No longer are people limited to only flirting in person – flirting over text can be done anywhere, anytime.
The Principles of Texting-Era Flirting
Unlike the pre-texting era, the texting-era does not have any concrete “principles” of flirting. Instead of having concrete principles, the texting-era of flirting features effective techniques that one should follow instead (that will be discussed later in the article). If you follow the techniques that I’m about to mention, I’m confident that your text flirting game will be a success.
Is Flirting over Text Bad?
When people ask me about flirting over text and whether or not it’s an effective means of communication, I always reply “Yes, if done properly.” The key to successful flirting over text is, as I’ve mentioned before, a combination of wit and romance.
If flirting over text is executed improperly, it can undoubtedly result in disaster, just like if one were to flirt in person. As a result, you should try to obtain as much knowledge about this subject as possible before you attempt it for yourself.
Is Flirting over Text Worse Than Flirting in Person?
In my personal experience, I’ve found that flirting over text is not any worse than flirting in person. However, this may not be true for everyone – it depends on your personality and your specific communication style. For instance, if a guy is nervous or attempting to flirt for the first time, flirting over text is going to be the better option since you don’t have to be “witty” or “romantic” on the spot.
On the other hand, if you’re confident and have been dating women for years, flirting in person is probably the better option as it allows for more dynamic communication.
As I’ve already stated, flirting in person with a girl is the best option if you’re a confident guy. If you have years of experience under your belt and you’re not nervous about messing up with your advances, flirting in person exemplifies to the girl your confidence and your charisma.
Just because you’re confident doesn’t mean that you should resort solely to flirting in person – flirting over text, when in-person contact is not possible, is still an excellent option to develop a relationship.
If you’re a shy guy, I highly recommend that you resort to text flirting rather than jumping straight to real life flirting. Why? Well, text flirting offers you the convenience of making mistakes and allows you to put in more time and thought into your responses.
For instance, if your girl responds with a confusing message whose meaning you aren’t sure of, you can take a minute to process the text and come up with an appropriate reply.
If this were in person, you would have to come up with a response on the spot – which often results in a very awkward moment.
Effective Text Flirting Techniques
Above all else, text flirting is an art form. To achieve the most success with your efforts, you should be familiar with the major text flirting texting and understand how to properly utilize them.
You don’t have to abide by the techniques that I’m about to mention but if you’re a beginner to flirting over text, I highly recommend that you take them to heart. I’ve personally found a lot of success with them, as well as many of the people that I work with.
Everybody likes a good compliment; Flirting over text is no different. However, if you’re going to compliment a girl, makes sure that it’s a proper compliment. Be genuine, realistic, and most of all, don’t be creepy.
A good compliment always comes from the heart. It shouldn’t be about flattering a girl or trying to seem like somebody you’re not.
“You were so good at the dance last night”
This comment, which compliments a girl on her dance skills, is an excellent example of a “good” compliment that you can give over text. You’re not objectifying her, nor are you stating something that could be considered ingenuine. You simply want the girl to know that she’s a good dancer.
Unfortunately, many guys give “bad” compliments over text all the time without even realizing it. Pay attention to this next example very carefully so you don’t make the same mistake that many others do.
“I love your view from behind”
This is a big “no-go” compliment. While it’s clear that you’re complimenting a girl’s appearance, you’re also objectifying her – which is a terrible idea. If you’re going to compliment a girl about her appearance over text, make sure that it stays PG. Complimenting something like her new clothes would be a much more acceptable comment.
The “showing appreciation” style of flirting is very similar to the “compliments” style. After all, who doesn’t like getting appreciation and recognition? I sure do.
“Thanks for helping me with my dog last night”
This text is very simple but shows that you genuinely appreciate something that a girl did for you. This is a great text conversation initiation and exemplifies the fact that you truly value the girl in your life. It might just be a friendly comment, but its underlying meaning is romantic.
The “Suggestive” Method
If you’re confident and ready to accelerate your text flirting game to the next level, I recommend that you practice the “suggestive” method of flirting. When you think of flirting, the “suggestive” method is probably the first thing that comes to mind – romantic, intimate, and well, suggestive.
In addition to being more effective than the previous two methods (if executed properly), it also allows you to disobey some of the other rules that I mentioned.
“Looking sexy tonight ;)”
If you want to compliment a girl, heed my previous advice and never objectify her. However, if you want to be suggestive, a sexual innuendo, like calling her sexy, is acceptable.
If the girl takes your suggestive flirting the wrong way, it has the possibility to backfire (which is why I recommend you practice the previous two text flirting methods I mentioned, first). If you lack the confidence to approach say something like “looking sexy tonight” in real life, I recommend you don’t use the suggestive method. In my opinion, this is not suitable for beginners.
Don’t Make These Mistakes!
If you’re a text flirting beginner, it’s inevitable that you’re going to make some mistakes as you get the hang of the art. Just because you’re going to make some mistakes along the way, however, doesn’t mean that you can’t avoid some of them. Below, I’m going to list some of the most common mistakes that beginners make when they first attempt to flirt over text.
Being Objectifying or Condescending
If you’re new to the text flirting game, you probably think that flirting is all about stating sexual innuendos and impressing the girl with your “game.” As I’ve repeatedly mentioned throughout this article, this is anything but the truth.
If you want to impress a girl through your flirting, don’t objectify her and treat her like she’s not even a human. Give her the same respect that you would want from somebody else.
Being Mean or Rude
This mistake should be a pretty obvious one, but you wouldn’t believe how many men make it. While trying to impress a girl, many men get caught up in seeming “cool” or “confident” that they completely neglect their morals and the girl’s emotions.
“You’re definitely the best girl I’ve ever been with”
This is a huge no. To be a gentleman and flirt nicely over text, you must never mention other girls, even if you’re trying to state that you hated every other girl you’ve ever been with.
If you do happen to mention other girls, the girl you’re currently trying to impress may assume that you’re not interested in her and simply stop talking to you – a true tragedy.
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